Living in the Futures Past
by SaRaH
Summary: Letters can tell much about the past...


Title: Living in the Future's Past Author: SaRaH Rating: PG-13 Summary: Letters can reveal much about the past.... Dedication: This is for Samantha, a wonderful person who was taken much to soon. Authors Notes: Well I know this is not my usual brand of fanfic, but I thought I would try something different for a change of pace. This is based on Sarah McLachlan's song 'Path of thorns (terms)'. But this isn't song fic so don't worry. Special Thanks To: My dear friends Halley and Lisa for Beta reading and giving me suggestions for the end. It was a really bad ending when I first started... Right guys? 

2085 Unknown Location It was a sunny afternoon in Ann Sharp's hometown. She was out with her group of friends playing Frisbee in the park. They were all very good at playing and no one had missed a shot, at least not until it was Ann's turn to catch the plastic disk. As she watched the Frisbee go sailing over her head she sneered at the person who had thrown it. She had to go chasing after it because it was her fault for not catching it. She ran towards the object which had taken up rest on a pile of leaves. As Ann was picking up the Frisbee she noticed a corner of something sticking out of the leaves. She dug into the leaves looking for the something she saw. She didn't know what drove her to find it. Most days, she wouldn't have cared, but she felt something. "Hey guys, come and look at what I found!" Ann called to her friends. She carefully picked up the crumbling pack of paper that she had found. "Isn't this cool, I wonder what it is." One of her friends took the paper objects to get a better look. "Wow, this is a great find!" he said aloud. But the rest of the group just looked at him quizzically. He began to explain what he was holding. "From what I've read, I believe these are called letters. These thing are so old, I have never seen one personally." He saw that the entire group was still confused so he began to explain more in depth. "People used to write on a piece of paper and fold it up and stick it into another piece of paper which they sealed. Then they sent it to a building where a person would sort them out and send it to the person the letter was written for." The group looked at each other and burst out laughing. "I know, I know its a weird system. They did away with it in 2015. I'm sure the system now for communicating is much simpler." The rest of the group nodded in agreement. After a short pause within the group Ann spoke up, "Well, lets see what these things say!" Her friend turned to her and said since she found the letters, she should have the honor of reading them. He handed Ann the pile. Ann smiled and thanked him and removed the first envelope from the pile. The rest, she placed on the ground. She opened the first envelope and extracted the letter carefully so that it didn't crumble away. She began to read, "Mulder," she stopped reading and looked at the group. "Mulder? Mulder? What kind of a name is that? Is it a girl or a guy?" "Maybe it was a nickname or something.." one of Ann's friends spoke up. "But as for gender, well, I have no idea." The rest of the group chuckled. Ann began reading again. 

"Mulder, I hope with all of my being that you read this. Perhaps then you will forgive me someday. But until then, Mulder, please know that I am sorry. I pray that you realize that I didn't do it in the way you thought. I would have never purposely hurt you, I loved you. Those last few months with you we're heaven for me, as I hope they were for you. Please, Mulder, I didn't mean for it to happen and I hope you forgive me, Scully" Ann stopped reading and looked up. The group was quiet in awe. And then at one moment they all started talking at once. "I wonder what happened......" they all said in unison. 

2000 J Edgar Hoover Building Mulder and Scully sat in their office like always. Mulder was at his desk reading a case file and Scully was in her 'area' fretting about what to do. Mulder wasn't telling her something, she was sure of it. There was something bothering him, something not quite right. She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice when he mumbled to himself. Finally she got the strength to ask, "Mulder is something wrong?" Then all hell broke loose. As the words left Scully's mouth, she instantly regretted it. He looked up, slammed down the file and hissed at her, "I'm FINE Scully. God! Why won't ANYONE get off my back?" He stood up and stormed out of the room. Scully stared after him, tears streaming down her face. "Mulder, I need to talk to you," she whispered. 2085 Unknown Location Ann picked up the next envelope in the pile. She needed to see what could have happened to break these two people apart. She had a feeling that these two people were more that close, but she didn't know why. 

"Mulder, You never wrote back to me. I assume it is because you are still too mad. Mulder, I had to tell Skinner! You wouldn't listen to me! I wanted to tell you, but you had other things on your mind. I wish you would have told me what they were. Maybe I could have helped. But it's to late now.... In any case Mulder, I never thought Skinner would react in the way he did. I never thought he would betray us in the way that he did. I thought he was on our side. I wouldn't have said anything if I have even remotely thought he was one of them. If I learned only one thing from you it was to be careful who you trust! I didn't mean for it to happen Mulder, I just wish you told me what was wrong. Scully" 

2000 J Edgar Hoover Building Mulder sat at his desk pretending to read a case file. In reality though, he was trying to decide whether or not to proceed with his plan. He was so worried that when Scully asked him what was wrong he overreacted and stormed out. He was walking to his car when he decided to got for it. He got in his car and drove to the nearest jewelers. He drove into a parking space and turned off the car. He opened the door but didn't get out of the car. Instead, he put his head in his hands and breathed deeply. After a moment he collected himself and left the car. Mulder entered the jewelers and smiled at the worker. He noticed that he was the only customer in the store. That fact gave him a sense of strength. "Is there anything I can help you with, Sir?" The jeweler asked Mulder. After another moment pause (as he took another deep breath), Mulder responded, "Yes, can you show me your engagement rings?" 

2085 Unknown Location By now, there was a buzz floating around the group of friends. Ann could hear bits of the different conversations. "....like a soap opera......feel so bad for.....wonder what happened..." The 3rd letter was on the ground and Ann bent down to pick it up. As she pulled the letter out of the envelope, some of it crumbled away. "Oh shit," mumbled Ann when she saw some of the writing fall to the ground in pieces. The letter was now incomplete but she read on anyway. 

"Mulder, I wish you would write me. I've tried to call you but you never accept my calls. Please Mulder, I need to talk to you. I know your still mad that I took away your life, any chance of finding your sister, and the hope of stopping colonization. I know that! You can't honestly believe that I'm *that* naive. If I would have known the outcome of my conversation with Skinner, I would have never opened my mouth. The X Files were my life too, and there was a pert of me that hoped that they could be our life together. God, I loved you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. From the day we met, my life was changed forever. I regret not becoming involved with you earlier. I don't know what stopped us. I guess it was me. I waited foolishly for you to make the first move. My pride got in the way....but I had loved you from the beginning Mulder. I always had and I always will. I kept thinking that maybe one day we could go back to the way things were. But I can see now there is no chance. There is no going back, only forward, and forward means away from you. I'm in my-" Ann looked up at the group. "That's where the letter ends," she said. 

2000 J Edgar Hoover building Scully slumped down on Mulder's desk and began to sob. She was so hurt by Mulder's outburst that she couldn't hide her emotions from herself. That was very rare for her. She cried for many minutes before she was able to regain her composure. When she was able to stop the tears she stood up and wiped them away. She opened her compact mirror and looked at herself. Her eyes we red and puffy and her makeup was smeared all down her face. As she fixed her self up, she thought about what she was going to do. If Mulder wouldn't listen to her, maybe he would listen to Skinner. 'Besides,' she thought to herself, 'I need to tell Skinner anyway.' She took a last look in her mirror, inhaled deeply, and went to talk to Skinner. 

2085 Unknown Location Ann picked up the next letter out of the pile. "Should I keep reading?" she asked. "Yes," came the emphatic reply. "All right," responded Ann and she opened the 4th letter being careful not to ruin it. 

"Mulder, I now know that it is to much to hope for; you will never forgive me. I thought our relationship was stronger than that, but I respect your decision. I will not, however, stop writing to you. I don't know if you will ever read the words I have written on these pages, but I will not be contented until I know I have tried to reach you. I'm not keeping it Mulder. It would remind me to much of you. But I can't kill it. I don't know what to do. I don't expect to get an answer from you, I really don't expect to ever hear from you again. That, I believe, is the terms of my punishment. I hope your life is now something you can enjoy. I'm sorry for holding you back for all these years. Scully" "Wow," Ann murmured. 

2000 Jeweler's Shop "Can I see that one?" Mulder asked pointing to a ring. "Ah good choice," said the jeweler as he was handing the ring to Mulder, "This is one of my favorites. So why don't you tell me about the special lady your giving a ring to." Mulder smiled, "She is beautiful!" The jeweler smiled. Mulder went on as he admired the ring, "She's got the most wonderful red hair, and her eyes.....And she's just the most exciting and caring and loving person....Oh God, I love her!" The jeweler smiled again and said, "That's wonderful. Would you like to see another ring?" "No," Mulder replied, "I'll take this one" Mulder bought the ring and had it put into a gift box. He left the store, got in to his car, and drove back to the FBI to propose to Scully. 

2085 Unknown Location Ann raced to open the next envelope. This was more exciting to her than reading any book or watching any movie. This was real. All the passion and emotions in the words were really felt by a person. The love and grief wasn't staged or created in a writers mind. 

"Mulder, What have I done? I have ruined everything you worked for. God. Mulder, I can still hear the last words you spoke to me. The way you said it; it was a slap in the face. Only now have I awakened back into the real world. I took form you the only thing you really wanted - a chance to find Samantha. It's ironic really. I was sent to close down the X Files. To shut down your search for the truth. But I couldn't do it. And do you know why Mulder? Because I fell in love with you. And that was not what they expected me to do. They tried to separate us because things weren't working out the way they planned. We became to close. We were stronger than them. We were able to stay together. We overcame and we survived. However, in the end our staying together drove us apart. They won after all, and it was all my fault. For that, I'm eternally sorry. But I'm more sorry still, that I've lost you. Mulder I miss you. No, forget that. I don't miss you. Saying I miss you is like telling a fish it wants water. Or a bird that oxygen is a nice thing to have. No Mulder, I need you. Every atom in my body yearns for you. But, alas, its a craving I cannot satisfy; A void I cannot fill. As time goes on I feel myself growing weaker.... Scully" "That was almost poetic," someone commented. But Ann wasn't listening. She felt strange. Not sick, but yet she felt... different. She sat down suddenly and her friends rushed at her asking if she was all right. Ann assured everyone she was fine, but she wasn't so sure herself. 

2000 J Edgar Hoover Building Scully walked out of the elevator and down the hallway. She entered A.D. Skinners office where she was stopped by his secretary. "Agent Scully," she said in her all to phony cheerful voice, "how may I help you?" "I need to talk to Skinner," Scully responded, "is her free at the moment? Its urgent." After a moments pause where she checked the date book the secretary responded that Skinner was free. Scully walked into his office and shut the door behind her. Skinner was on the phone, but motioned for her to sit down until he was finished. Scully sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs and began to form her speech in her head. Soon she began to think she was making the wrong choice. 'I should tell Mulder first,' her mind wailed. She was so lost in her inner turmoil, that she never smelled the cigarette smoke or saw the embers in the ash tray on Skinner's desk. Finally, Scully decided that Mulder should know before Skinner and she stood up to leave. But before she could take a step towards the door, Skinner hung up the phone and said, "What seems to be the trouble?" Agent Scully. "Sir I, uh, have something to tell you...." She looked up at Skinner and he looked back, eyes full of questions. "Sir, I don't know how else to say this, other than to be blunt, so I'll just say it. I'm pregnant." Scully finished talking but could no longer meet his eyes. She looked down at her hands and waited for skinner to make a comment. "Well Agent Scully," Skinner began., "this is a bit of a shock. I'm happy for you of course, congratulations. But, If you don't mind me asking, how can-? I mean, I remember Mulder saying you ova was taken during you abduction." "It was Sir," Scully answered, "but Mulder recovered it andunderwent an operation to have it replaced. I was told my chance of bearing a child wouldn't be dramatically decreased, but at least I would still have a chance." Skinner nodded and said, "Agent Scully, I hate to pry into your private life but, who is the father?" Scully's eyes fell once again to her hands. "Agent Scully?" Skinners voice broke through the silence. Scully looked up. "Agent Mulder," she mumbled. "Scully? I didn't hear you." "Agent Mulder." Scully said a bit louder. "Agent Mulder is the father." Skinner shook his head. "Are you sure about that Agent Scully? Could it be anyone other than Agent Mulder? Anyone at all?" "No," Scully responded, "only Mulder. Skinner just shook his head sadly as he said, "You're dismissed Agent Scully." 

2085 Unknown Location Ann reached for the next envelope, but her friends stopped her. "I'm not sure you should be outside any longer. You don't look well, your probably getting sun poisoning or something. You should get inside," someone said. "No!" cried Ann, struggling to reach the pile of letters, "I have to know what happens." "That can wait." her friends told her, "you need to relax." "No I need to know!" screamed Ann as wrenched away from the hands that were holding her down. She gabbed another letter and began to read. 

"Mulder, I brought our daughter home from the hospital today. I don't know if you care, but I'm enclosing a picture of her. I can't keep her, and I have to put her up for adoption. It hurts to admit that but I can't take care of a child by myself. Scully" 

"Wait, something is not right here," Ann mumbled to herself. "Something is not quite right." 

2000 J Edgar Hoover Building Mulder pulled his car into a parking space and got out. He reached back into the car, however, and grabbed a box and stuck it into his coat pocket. Little did he know it wasn't the engagement ring. He entered the FBI building and walked down the hallway. He received strange looks and comments from every agent he passed. Finally, one "Good Samaritan" agent suggested that he should go and see Skinner. Mumbling about what he could have possibly done wrong now, Mulder entered Skinners office. "Sir what is this-" Mulder began but her was cut off by Skinner. "Mulder, listen. I have news. News that your not going to want to hear, but I have to tell you. The X Files are closed. You are being placed back in violent crimes and Agent Scully is being transferred to teach at Quantico. I'm sorry that this had to come about. I did all I could to prevent it but under the circumstances..." Skinners voice trailed off. "Under the circumstances I couldn't do much." "Circumstances?" cried Mulder, enraged by the news. "What circumstances?" "Well the circumstances with Scully. She came in here and told me-" "What about Scully?" Mulder cried, his furry changing to fear. "Is she all right?" "Yes Mulder, she is fine," responded Skinner a bit bewildered, "but she didn't tell you?""Tell me what?" Mulder asked. Skinner shook his head and said, "You should go and talk to her..." But Mulder wouldn't her of it. Instead he demanded Skinner to tell him now. "Mulder, Agent Scully is pregnant, by you." "What?" cried Mulder, his rage building up inside once again, "SHIT. Oh shit." Suddenly a flash of understanding gleamed in his eyes. "This was the plan. This was the plan all along. She was supposed to seduce me so that when she finally became pregnant they would close down the x files, and use the child as the reason. That bitch." he slammed his fisted hand on Skinner's desk. "To think I trusted her, poured my heart and soul out to her, and worse yet made myself think I loved her." "Mulder, that is not what is happening here-" Skinner began to explain, but it was already to late. Mulder was walking out of Skinner's office on his way to confront Scully. 

2085 Unknown Location Ann picked up another envelope and stared at it. The paper was stained red but there were no obvious reasons why. She opened and began reading. 

"Mulder, I know now that whatever I say or do, it will make no difference on your feelings towards me. But I know in my mind and in my heart, that as long as I am alive, I will continue to try to change your feelings. So I will make myself stop trying. I have planned everything out and I should have enough time to mail this letter before I expire, so I will use it to say good bye. Just know that I love you Mulder, and that I always have. I didn't want to end things this way, but the pain is to great. I know I will never forgive myself just as sure as you will never forgive me. Love eternally, Scully" 

"She killed her self, oh my god, she killed herself," Ann whispered over and over. The rest of the group grew silent as they thought about the story the letters told. After a long pause someone mumbled, "I wish we knew what really happened.." 

2000 J Edgar Hoover Building Mulder stormed into their office and slammed the door shut behind him. Scully jumped up in alarm, she was not expecting such a violent reaction from Mulder. "How dumb was I Scully?" Mulder exclaimed at her, "How dumb?" "Mulder-" Scully tried to speak up in her defense but Mulder kept talking. "And what a good actress you are, making my think you had feelings for me. Faking all your emotions. Let me ask, did you fake your orgasms too? Because I sure as hell didn't, seeing that your in such a 'delicate condition' now." "Mulder I don't know-" Scully tried again. "Oh you don't KNOW!" Mulder screamed, "You don't KNOW! Well, let me tell you. You get me to fall in love with you, and you actually get me to believe you returned the feelings. And as soon as you get knocked up, you go off and squeal to them, and they take away the X files. They took away my life, my life! Was that the plan all along? Or did it just happen? No! Don't answer that, I don't want to know." He opened the door and walked out. He turned around in the door frame and looked at her one last time. "Good bye Scully," he said his words icy. He turned and left. It was the last time they ever saw each other. 

Mulder walked to his car and got in. He reached in his pocket to retrieve the ring box. He finally saw that he had grabbed the wrong box. "Must be an omen," he said to himself and he started the car. HE drove until her came to the first bridge he saw. He grabbed the ring out of the box and walked to the railing. He looked over and saw the water flowing swiftly downstream. He looked at the ring and one tear slid down his cheek. It was the only tear that he ever shed for her after their last conversation. He vowed never to think about Scully again, and he tossed the ring to its watery grave below. 2085 Unknown Location "Wait a minute!" one of Ann's friends exclaimed, "There is still a letter left. But if she killed herself how can that be?" "There is only one way to find out," Ann said and she opened the last envelope. "Fox, Dana killed herself last night. I know you left on bad terms, but I've enclosed the funeral information if you wanted to go. You may be interested to know, that when we found her, she was holding a picture of you cradled to her chest. I'm not sure what happened between you Fox, but she still loved you. In case I do not see you at the funeral, I have some information to pass on to you. Your daughter Ann, was adopted a few days ago by a wonderful family. Mr. Thomas D. and his wife Mrs. Allison R. Sharp. I'm sure little Ann will be very happy with them. Mrs. Scully" All the group was staring at Ann as the information sunk it. "Oh my god!" she shouted when she made the connection in her head. "The daughter in the letter, its me....." 


End file.
